...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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