i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
