Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
