when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
