Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
