we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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