Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't turn off my feet"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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