So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
