So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
