I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
