the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
