he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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