meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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