I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
