he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
