i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
