I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
