went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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