smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
