This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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