Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
