You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
