I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
