Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
