if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
