Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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