Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
