Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
