connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
