These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
