Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
