dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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