he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
