I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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