When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
