He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
