so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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