If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
