The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
