life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
