That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
