I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
