don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
