Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
