We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
