It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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