Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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