If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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