I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
