Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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