I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
