Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
