how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
